Ja sam ona sto stavlja ''h'' na aorist
E, jebemu korisnicko ime!
Odlucim da nadjem sebi izduvni ventil, pretpostavljajuci da me komad elektronske masinerije nece zajebavat, kad ono, desi se suprotno. Htjedoh odat pocast Tin Ujevicu, al' ne dadose mi. Dobih ja korisnicko ime, uglavnom.
Upravo se desilo nesto cudno. Prilikom odabira blogovske mreze, trebalo je da biram izmedju blog.hr, google.blog.com i blog.rs. Dobro, za google se nisam odlucila iz licnih, meni poznatih razloga (cula sam svakakvih prica, a nisam nesto povjerljive prirode, mada, s druge strane, ne znam zasto bi ova stranica bila drugacija), medjutim, pala je odluka na dva izbora: hrvatski ili srpski (s tim da bosanskog, izgleda, i nema, sto nije narocito cudno). Odlucih se na srpski. Nekako mi RH mreze djeluju mucno. Poput nekog Linčovog filma, nekog psihotrilera, samo cekas da izadjes, tj. da se zavrsi. Hrvatska kultura me oduvijek odbijala. Prazna je i tmurna, sve je nekako kao unaprijed organizovano, poput zabave Sundjer Boba (naime, Sundjer Bob je priredio zabavu s tim da ju (da, svjesna sam hrvatske ironije) je natenane organizov'o, svaki minut i svaki sekund se znalo gdje ko treba stojat i sta treba govorit). Pa sam se odlucila za .rs, volim temperamentne kulture, bas poput bosanske. Odlucila sam se u roku od sekunde, i u toj sekundi vremena, glavom su mi prosle sve ove argumentacije. Mozak je cudo.
Ono sto me navelo da krenem pisat blog je prilicno jednostavno: Zivot! Mada, mozda ne bas zivot, vec vise glavni akteri zivota zemaljskog, tj. ljudi. Muka mi je od ljudi! Bas gledam emisiju na OBN-u o transeksualcima i transvestitima, i nakon javne ankete u kojoj su ljudi govorili sve i svasta, moja majka je dobacila komentar: ''Ma nije meni ovo normalno!'' Priznajem, od ovog da nije normalno, ipak je nekako najvise naglaska dodijelila ovome ''meni''! Prvo, da krenem od tog pojma normalnog! Zar nije Bog svoje andjele u muslimanskoj religiji napravio bespolnim (nisam neki vjernik, to sam cula od drugarice muslimanke, a prilicno sam sigurna da su u svakoj religiji andjeli bespolna bica)? Bozanstvena bica koja nemaju seksualnih obiljezja niti preferenci. Zatim, sta je normalno? Kako iko moze reci da li je nesto normalno? Ono sto je normalno je zapravo normativno. Uzmimo eksperiment kojim su naucnici dokazali zasto su nam (odredjene) male stvari slatke? Zbog cega se topimo na sliku malog zeke, malog slatkog djeteta... Pa upravo zbog toga sto nam je tako receno! Mozak je cudo, rekoh vam. Zamislite cekic! Da, obican cekic! Eh sad, umanjite taj cekic do te velicine da ga mozete staviti u dzep na lijevoj strani kosulje! Slatko, zar ne? To je zbog toga sto nas male stvari podsjecaju na nase potomke, djecu, bebe. Sve bebe su slatke, zar ne?! (Ne znam dal' bih se ovdje slozila) Naime, da nam djeca izgledaju poput nekog djela Pikasova, bila bi nam slatka i tad, i ono sto je lijepo i prihvatljivo bilo bi bas Pikasovljevsko. To je varka, ne prirode, vec gena. Tako da, ako smo vec svjesni da je sve stvar percepcije, percepcije koja je uvjetovana nekim slucajnostima, nekom hormonalnom, genetskom prevarom, kako zapravo onda mozemo tvrditi da znamo sta je ideal ljepote?! A (sjetih se da mi je profesorica bosanskog uvijek govorila da ne trebam zapocinjati recenice sa veznikom, medjutim, meni su te najdraze) svjesni smo svi kakav je to zapravo ideal ljepote, i svjesni smo da je lazan i iluzija, pa zasto onda mislimo, zasto smo onda sigurni da mozemo sa sigurnoscu tvrditi sta je to normalno? I sta uopste znaci normalno?
Ne znam.
Medjutim, puno veci problem je sto, izgleda, svako zna sta je normalno. Svako ima svoju ideju normalnosti, onoga prihvatljivog. To su patoloske licnosti, patoloski fasisti, kako ih naziva Teodor Adorno u jednom svom eseju. Jer, pazite, naslusala sam se ovih prica, naime, studiram rodne studije, i postoje dvije stvari od kojih zazirem prilikom ovakvih i slicnih diskusija! 1. Zazirem od ljudi koji su glasni! Zazirem od ljudi koji odmah, na sami spomen necega, imaju nesto da kazu! Zazirem od ljudi koji su ignorantni toliko da sire price o necemu o cemu nista ne znaju! (Inace, najmrza vrsta ljudi mi je ona koja, nakon sto im se povjeris, ti odmah polete dati savjet) 2. Zazirem od licemjernih liberalista! Zazirem od onih recenica: ''Nisam gej, ali...'' Zazirem od takvih ljudi koji nesto podrzavaju ali recenicu zapocinju time sto se odmah grade od tog istog!
S druge strane, mozda sam ja ovdje subjektivna, doduse, ne postoji objektivna istina, kako je to jednom rek'o jedan dobro poznati filozof. Ali (opet ono ''ali'') ja nisam ta koja brani neciju slobodu. Ne zelim da se dizem iznad ostalih, sama sam svjesna svojih mana (a, vjerujte, ima ih dosta), jednostavno smatram da zivot u zajednici, posebno u jednoj bosanskoj zajednici, treba zivjeti po onom ''Live and let live!'' Cemu, zapravo, sva ta netolerantnost i netrpeljivost prema drugima? Cemu takvi ljudi, poput Fatmira Alispahica (Bosnjaci znaju ko je on), koji ce narodu govoriti da je pederluk pedofilija! Cemu svecenici i nadbiskupi koji izjavljuju da je djeci veca trauma razvod braka nego li seksualno zlostavljanje! I oni talijani koji podrzavaju da jedanaestogodisnjakinja rodi dijete zaceto silovanjem! Pretpostavljam bas ovom napacenom bosanskom narodu! Narodu kojemu je svega preko guse! Narodu koji mora nac krivca! Jer, naravno, najbitnije je prstom uperit u grjesnika!
A ovaj jadni narod, ove moje komsije, moje kolege, moji poznanici su jako tuzna bica. Tuzna bica slomljenih snova koja se i dalje vesele u novim snovima koje zive. Bica kojima je sve uskraceno. Bica koja su naucena, i bivaju ucena, da mrze jedni druge. Bica toliko slijepa od suza da kroz maglu jedva zaziru stvarnost! Ponekad, samo ponekad, puhne pokoji jugo i obrise im lica, pa uvide da smo svi jedni, jedni te isti. Iste tuzne, smrvljene duse svugdje unutar granica ove male, drage zemlje. Ali, neko to dole, u podzemnim ulicama, uvidi i onda opet sije vlati trave koji oprasuju onu netolerantnost pa omadjija naciju. I tako se nacija zaista samo vrti u krug, obavlja onaj ciklicni zadatak historije.
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